Jillian's Story Part 2

Once we learned the journey we were now on, we knew we had lots of decisions to face. We had to tell Jansen the information regarding his baby sister. I will never forget the conversation we had with him. We talked to him soon after Dr. C called us that day on January 6, 2010. Jack and I sat on each side of him on our couch and explained to him the best way we knew how what would be happening in the next few months. Jansen seemed to understand the best possible way a 4 year old could. He asked questions which we encouraged him to do. We wanted to be as open as possible with him about what our family would be facing. We knew there would be lots of uncertainty but we did not want him to be scared. Looking back at the past several months, I can honestly say I am so glad we talked with him about his baby sister and encouraged him to talk about her to us and to other people. She is a part of our life and always will be. We do not want him to forget her. We tried to go about life as normal as possible, both for our sake and for Jansen. I took off work a few days following the diagnosis but returned soon after and continued working as much as I could. Of course some days were better than others, there were days when I did not want to go to work, and didn't. There were days when I was angry, days when I was sad, days when I was ok, and some days I honestly didn't know how to feel. I soon began to realize I did not get to plan to bring a baby home with us. We didn't get to decorate her nursery and buy baby essentials. Instead we began to think about what we would do for a funeral service and plan as much of that as we could while we had time to think about it. In the meantime, I continued to see my regular OB, Dr. L, every 2 weeks for an ultrasound to make sure our sweet girl was still ok. We got to see her every visit through ultrasound and we are blessed to have A LOT of ultrasound pictures! At each visit her overall growth rate continued to decrease with not much encouraging news. As I approached 30 weeks my blood pressure started to increase. I had problems when I was pregnant with Jansen also but it was a little later in the pregnancy. Dr. L monitored me closely with putting me on bedrest at 31 weeks. We were planning to carry Our sweet girl as long as possible but knew the time was drawing near. We also decided on her name at this point. I had liked Jillian for a while and really could not see her as anything else! My sister's middle name is Michelle and it seemed perfect for her to have her middle name. My sweet sister is a Labor and Delivery Nurse and helped me during this time more than she will ever know. I asked so many questions that she was able to answer for me and try her best to prepare me with the answers I needed at the right times. I wanted Jillian to have a part of her sweet Aunt. So that was it. She would be named Jillian Michelle Martin.