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Sunday, December 5, 2010

9 Months

Our family of four

Sweet girl and her blankie bear

Today marks 9 months since Jillian was born and went to heaven on March 5, 2010. I really am realizing how fast time does go on, she has been gone for as long as a normal pregnancy is. I didn't get to even carry her for the 9 months since she was born at 32 weeks. She continues to live on in our hearts and our minds each and every day. Jansen will occasionally ask questions about her or mention her. Tonight happened to be one of those times. Ironically on her 9 month birthday. He asked Jack and I if we still had her with us where would she sleep? I told him our guest bedroom was going to be her room. Then he said " I mean if she was still tiny where would she sleep?" I told him then she would have slept in our room until she was big enough to be in her own room. It was definitely another conversation I wish didn't have to take place but it did. I know there will be those for the rest of our life, and that is ok because we want Jansen to remember his sister forever, just like we do. We are definitely missing her during the holiday season. We are experiencing so many of the firsts right now very close together. We just made it through Thanksgiving, my birthday, taking Jansen to see Santa, and Christmas is soon. Lots of emotions surfacing often for me as we try to go about life and make this a happy time for Jansen. He is such a caring and compassionate little boy who helps me each and everyday. Jillian, your Mommy, Daddy, and Jansen love you so very much! Thank you for blessing our life and changing each of us to live for Christ more each and everyday!