9 Months

Our family of four

Sweet girl and her blankie bear

Today marks 9 months since Jillian was born and went to heaven on March 5, 2010. I really am realizing how fast time does go on, she has been gone for as long as a normal pregnancy is. I didn't get to even carry her for the 9 months since she was born at 32 weeks. She continues to live on in our hearts and our minds each and every day. Jansen will occasionally ask questions about her or mention her. Tonight happened to be one of those times. Ironically on her 9 month birthday. He asked Jack and I if we still had her with us where would she sleep? I told him our guest bedroom was going to be her room. Then he said " I mean if she was still tiny where would she sleep?" I told him then she would have slept in our room until she was big enough to be in her own room. It was definitely another conversation I wish didn't have to take place but it did. I know there will be those for the rest of our life, and that is ok because we want Jansen to remember his sister forever, just like we do. We are definitely missing her during the holiday season. We are experiencing so many of the firsts right now very close together. We just made it through Thanksgiving, my birthday, taking Jansen to see Santa, and Christmas is soon. Lots of emotions surfacing often for me as we try to go about life and make this a happy time for Jansen. He is such a caring and compassionate little boy who helps me each and everyday. Jillian, your Mommy, Daddy, and Jansen love you so very much! Thank you for blessing our life and changing each of us to live for Christ more each and everyday!

My Birthday

My sweet boys thought it would be good to give me a surprise party for my birthday! My birthday was Nov 29th which was on a Monday but Sunday night after church we went to eat with friends and Rita told me to swing by her house before I went home. So I did. Jack and I were in separate cars and everyone was there when I arrived. I really had an indication when Jansen let it slip that Jack had put some food in the refrigerator at church but then he wouldn't tell me what it was for!

My lemon gooey butter cake made by sis-- it was yummy!!!!

Just a few of the friends at the party-- Jeremy, Dawn, Rita, Michael, Elizabeth

Jansen with 2 of his favorite girls, Julia and Kinsey. Julia picks J up after school on M and W for me when I work late and Kinsey has always had a special place in his heart . These 2 girls are sweet sisters and are very special to our family.

Me and my loving sister... Thanks for the party at your house sis! Love you and all my special friends! I had a great birthday surprise!!!

Thanksgiving 2010

Jansen and Pee Wee. Pee Wee is Mawmaw and Pawpaws dog and everytime we are at their house Jansen loves to play with Pee Wee and walk him around on his leash and Pee Wee loves his attention !

This year we went to Nashville to Jack's parents for Thanksgiving. My parents came to Conway to be with Rita and Daniel and his family but that was ok since we get to see them often. We had Thanksgiving dinner the night of Thanksgiving to give all the hunters time to hunt during the day.

Me with my grandpa. This is my mom's dad. Papa to me. He will be 88 in March 2011. He currently lives in a nursing home due to decreased health, decreased memory, etc. I went to see him Thanksgiving afternoon. He looked really good when I went to visit although he really didn't know who I was. He is my last living grandparent and Jansen's only great grandparent.

Jansen, Kinley, and Halton watching a movie on the dvd player after Thanksgiving dinner at Mawmaw and Pawpaw's house.

Michael, Joanna, and Halton. Joanna is Jack's sister
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Our Family on Thanksgiving. Notice my 2 hunters attire. This is routine dress for the boys usually on Thanksgiving! Overall we had a good day together and a few needed days of rest. We are truely grateful for all our many blessings in our life and I am especially grateful for my sweet boys! We remembered Jillian on this 1st Thanksgiving without her, and we thanked God for giving her to us and blessing our lives with her for a short time.

Deer Hunters

This hunting season I am realizing my little boy is growing up and is not so little anymore! Jack's family loves to hunt! When I say love I mean LOVE!!!! Jansen is following right in his footsteps I do believe! We had to get him new camo this year, all of his from last year was too little. The above pic is right before they left for an afternoon hunt the day before Thanksgiving at Jack's mom and dad's house ( Mawmaw and Pawpaw).

Jack, Jansen, and Pawpaw



Walking into the woods. Notice Jack and Pawpaw have guns and Jansen is carrying his lawn chair to sit in! Pee Wee is also going with them it looks like!

Jack took Jansen with him several times during the few days we were there but they never had any luck. Jansen and I came back home Friday afternoon and Jack was planning to stay and hunt until Saturday. He joked and said soon as we leave he would probably see a deer and kill it. Seriously, we were not back home when he called 2 hours later and said he had shot a 7 point! Guess Jansen talked a little much in the woods for too much serious hunting with daddy!!

Jansen's Thanksgiving Feast

The 3 of us

Jansen's class at school had a Thanksgiving Feast for their family and friends the day they got out of school for Thanksgiving Break. He got to dress up like an Indian, sing songs about Thanksgiving and have a feast at lunchtime with their famililes.

Mommy and her little Indian ( Deer Hunter) was his name. They all got to give theirselves an Indian name for the week and Jansen came up with Deer Hunter. Too cute!


Little Indian named Jansen aka Deer Hunter

Chloe and Jansen singing one of their songs

Conner and Jansen. Rita and Conner were able to come to the feast and see him sing his songs with his class. Conner had a blast!

We are so Thankful for our little Indian!

Branson

Stephanie, myself, and Rita

Last weekend I went to Branson with Dan, Rita, Conner, and Kyle to meet Luke, Stephanie, and Kiley for the weekend. The live in Oklahoma now and we miss them terribly. We were so excited to see them and spend some time together! We met up Friday afternoon for dinner at Olive Garden, after the fact that I had already lost my wallet with ALL my money, credit and debit cards!!!!! I realized when we arrived at the hotel that it was missing. I just knew I left it in Harrison after we ate lunch. We called back to the restaurant and sure thing, they had it. Said someone found it in the parking lot but none of my money was there! Ugh! I had $160.00!!!! I called and cancelled my credit and debit card anyway just in case they wrote my numbers down. Dan was so kind to drive me back to Harrison to get my wallet. Once we got back to Branson we enjoyed our dinner and fellowship time with our friens. Saturday was a day full of shopping!!!! Rita did have to buy a few things for me due to my low funds! Sunday we enjoyed worship together and lunch before we headed back home. We sure do miss our friends but we are hoping to see them again in December when they plan to come see us again!

Daniel and Luke

We didn't even get a pic of sweet Kiley during the weekend but will have to do so next time we are together. Jack and Jansen went hunting in Nashville this weekend so they didn't get to make the trip with us. It was the opening weekend of deer season so that was a must for them! Maybe we can all be together soon for some fun!

Happy Halloween

Rita decided a few days before Halloween that she wanted to have a costume party for some friends. Jack was a HOBO and I was a referee. We didn't get very creative but we didn't have much notice!

Jack really did have fun dressing up!

Andy, Emily, Brooks, Mrs. Julia, and Mr. Scott all dressed as characters from the Wizard of Oz! They were way tooooo cute as a family! I told them they would have won the award for best costumes but we didn't have any awards! Maybe next year we can plan a little better!!

Sweet baby Brooks!

Trunk or Treat

Jansen decided at the last minute that he wanted to be a doctor this year for Halloween and Conner had this outfit we borrowed. This little doctor I would love to grow up and really be a doctor for his profession one day so he can take care of me when I am old!!

Our church does Trunk or Treat each year for the little ones and this is my good friend Marilyn sitting by her trunk handing out candy

Our family. You can see this was the afternoon after the walk and we still had our shirts on. It was a loonnngggg day!

Rita and her boys. Conner was a UPS man and Kyle was a pumpkin. Soooo Cute!

Jansen and Conner taking a break to eat some of their snacks!

Walk to Remember Part 3

By the time the walk was over Jansen had found this statue that he had to have his picture made with. This is actually the Wampus Cat Mascot.

Me and my sweet sis! I'm so glad I have her!

This is the group that came to walk with us and to remember Jillian. Most of these people are our closest friends and family and we would not have made it this past year if it weren't for everyone here. Many did not get to come to the walk due to other plans, conflicts, etc but we had a great turnout I thought! What a blessing to know Jillian is loved by so many people! We had around 40 people that were there with us. Overall there were over 200 people at the walk representing all the families. This year was the biggest yet!

Our family with Kristy S, the bereavement coordinator who has helped us sooo much, even before Jillian was born. We met with her many times to discuss all the things we needed to consider when planning for her birth. She was at the hospital with us off and on the entire 3 days we were there and helped us in planning all the aspects for the funeral service, etc. A wonderful selfless servant! Many thanks from us to her that we will never forget!

Jansen's friends that were at the walk with their families. I'm so glad he has friends that know he has a sister and understand we just don't get to see her in this life.

All in all, this day was amazing. There was not a cloud in the sky and the temperature was perfect. We could not have asked for a better day! I hope that each and every year we will be able to participate and remember our sweet Jillian with the Walk to Remember. Not only do we remember her everyday but this special day was about her and the lasting impact she had on so many individual's lives. We love you always sweetheart! I want to be able to help other families in any way I can and if it means telling your story over and over again I will do it! I was actually contacted by Kristy a few weeks after the walk and asked if I would be interested in doing an interview for one of our local television stations to promote the program at the hospital and of course I said YES! Unfortunately, it has been postponed currently and we have not had a chance to film yet but I hope we can do it soon! I want more people to know your story of your short but meaninful life!

More Walk to Remember

I had to divide the post about the walk into several separate posts due to all the pictures I wanted to include. Jack, Jansen and I at the walk ready to remember Jillian.

Me and Emily, one of my very best friends. I wanted everyone that came to the walk in support of our family to have something special to acknowledge Jillian. We didn't have time to get t shirts made for everyone but I did make buttons with pink scrapbook paper and a monogram J with her name written on the button. They really looked cute and I'm so glad everyone got to have something with Jillian's name on it!

We released balloons during the last part of the program to remember our sweet girl. All of these balloons were the ones released by all of our family and friends! It was a truely moving and touching moment for me as a mommy! The program was very touching also. Kristy S. the bereavement coordinator welcomed everyone and spoke a few words as did one of the OB doctors. A lady we go to church with lost a daughter 15 years ago and we were looking for a parent to speak and I thought of her. I asked if she would be interested and she said yes! She did an amazing job this day. Ironically, this day was her daughter's birthday also. What a fitting way to remember her! Another individual sang "Somewhere over the Rainbow" and it was beautiful as well.

The note Jack wrote on his balloon for Jillian.

My balloon I released. Jillian, we do love you forever and walk the steps everyday to live our life so that we see you again one day!

Walk to Remember 2010

October 30, 2010 was a Saturday we were looking forward to but also a lot of emotions brought back to the surface. The hospital where Jillian was born has a wonderful perinatal bereavement program that helped us tremendously. For the past few years they have sponsored a walk to remember all the babies that left this life too early. This was actually the 3rd year for the walk and we knew we wanted to be a part of it to remember Jillian. I actually got to help in some of the planning for the event and really enjoyed getting the word out to as many people as we could to help remember the babies that have gone on before us.

The back of our shirts: For Jillian Michelle Martin we walk the steps

Walk to Remember 2010 Cookies, yummy!

There was a table set up for children to decorate boxes, rocks, etc to remember their sibling or loved one if they wished. Jansen was very excited to decorate a box with stickers and write his sister's name on a rock! He treasures it!

Acxiom Pumpkinpalooza

Jack's work has a Halloween/Fall Festival every year and they call it Pumpinpalooza. We have taken Jansen every year and really had a good time each year. This year we asked Rita if we could take Conner with us and he had a great time too. Basically a lot of the employees set up booths around the lawn area with different games/activities/candy/food, etc...

Jansen is trying to hit a baseball in the picture above.

Me, Jansen, and Conner. Conner wore the UPS costume this day to the festival. Jansen was actually the UPS man last year and it fits Conner this year!

The boys posing for a picture-- aren't they cute???!!!

There was free hot dogs, funnel cakes, popcorn, lemonade and water and the boys thought they were hungry when they saw food! Jansen ate this whole funnel cake and Conner ate a whole bag of popcorn, not to mention all the candy they got!

Jansen got wrapped with toilet paper like a mummy when they went through a maze at one of the stations. Then there were these pools with balls they could play in. Didn't think we were ever going to get them away from here! We had a great time together! Thanks Acxiom!