18 months

I have been neglecting the blog for a very long time now! Looks like the last post was in March.... that's terrible on my part! Today was no better day than to try and start catching up with the past several months as this day is another significant day... 18 months since Jillian was born. How in the world has it been 18 months? Seems like not near that much time has passed since March 5, 2010. We have so many memories that fill our hearts and minds every single day. Just last week at church my brother in law and his dad led singing at morning and evening worship and led 3 songs that we sang at her service. Simple song reminders I love and especially hearing our congregation sing them is beautiful. My brother in law's dad asked me if I ever find myself forgetting about her or afraid I will forget and of course my answer was no. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her. Honestly, she floods my mind near constantly even after 18 months.

There is currently much more of a reason that she floods my mind. One other reason since March that I have not blogged started out with the fact that all my energy was being zapped and I just couldn't make myself do anything I didn't have to do! Most of those that read this know about the news I'm talking about.... yes we are expecting again! We found out in March we were pregnant and I am due November 22. I am almost 29 weeks and doing good. We have had lots of ultrasounds, tests, etc. and everything has been confirmed as looking good! Jansen is getting a little brother! I have not been sick since about 18 weeks so this pregnancy has been much more tolerable! We are starting to count the weeks down with about 10 to go until the C section. We will be scheduling that this week when I go to the doctor again.

No pics to go along with this post today. I just wanted to do a brief update to the blog and will hopefully do much better in the days to follow with maintaining updates and pictures!

Happy 18 months in Heaven Jillian! We love you and miss you so very much each and everyday!

Oklahoma City

About a month ago we traveled to Oklahoma City to see our very good friends Luke and Stephanie and their children. Dan, Rita and their boys went too. We had the best weekend together touring the city and just visiting with them. I love this pic of the 3 of us girls!!

Small waterfall during the river boat ride which was beautiful

Jack, Jansen and Conner

My 2 boys!!! Love them!

We took a boat ride through part of Brick Town in Oklahoma City. It reminded us a lot of San Antonio at the Riverwalk. This was bronze statues along the river that was sooo neat.

Bricktown Ballpark

The 3 of us posing for a picture. I love my family!

The lawn adjacent to the federal building bombing in Oklahoma City. Each of the markers on the lawn represents an individual that lost their life that horrific day.

Part of the original building that is left standing at the bombing site.

While we were in Oklahoma City we went to the Oklahoma City Memorial where the bombing of the federal building happened. It was a very moving experience and something I would definitely recommend going to if you are ever in the area. The above picture is the water area that represents where the building actually was at.

These are the 2 ends of where the building was at that shows 9:01 and 9:03 on each end. 9:02 is the exact time the bomb went off that forever changed lives. Very touching memorial representing the actual time.

Walking into the Memorial and outside fence with flowers and items people have placed in remembrance of those lost that day.

The above picture is sweet kyle sucking on those fingers! This is how we see him often-- it is sooo cute!

One evening after a busy day together Jack fell asleep in their recliner with Conner and Kiley watching Toy Story 3. Sweet moment!

Baby Max! He looks just like his daddy! Max was born in January and this was our first time to see him. He is adorable and he is the best baby! I don't think he ever cried the whole weekend we were there!

Conner, Jansen, and Kiley watching Toy Story 3

And here they are watching another movie, not sure what! I promise we did more than let them sit in front of the TV while we were there! We had such a great visit but miss our friends terribly when we are not together! Hopefully a couple of visits are planned together this summer with all of us!

Daffodils... Spring is coming!

I came home one afternoon last week and Jansen had picked these flowers for me and wrote this sweetest note too! It says: "Hope you have had a great day Mommy! Love, J Man

My little J man is the best.. I know I'm partial since I am his mommy but this just made my day! I can't remember where I had been, maybe coming home from work late... not sure but this made the evening much better! Love you Jansen and thank you!!!!

Little Dribblers

Jansen's school does an activity called Little Dribblers every January and February. He got to participate last year and also wanted to do it this year. They practiced 2 times a week and then performed at halftime of the last high school regular season game. He absolutely loved it! They learn basic skills needed to dribble a basketball and mixed in a few tricks with it also.

Waving to his fans. Unfortunately, mommy was sick with the dreadful stomach virus and didn't get to go. Daddy took lots of pictures and recorded him also for me to watch. I was miserable so there was no way I could have gone... I'll spare the details!!!

Jansen and some of the other little guys dribbling away!

Dribbling around cones during the performance

Group Shot... I'm sure this is just the very beginning of sports for this little man! I love it though and wouldn't want it any other way!

Gifts

This is absolutely an amazing piece of art! When I arrived at work on the Monday after Jillian's birthday this was on my desk. The OT girls had one of the ST girls paint this for me. It is beautiful and even more so in person!

We wanted to do something special to remember Jillian by so we told everyone who came to the balloon release to bring a headband flower/bow or blanket to be donated to the perinatal bereavement program at the hospital in Jillian's memory. We were overwhelmed with the generosity of our friends and family. The above picture is one of the 20 small headbands with pink flower my friend Stephanie made. They are perfect!!!!

All 20 of the flower headbands made by Stephanie. She outdid herself! Thank you Stephanie and love you dearly!

This is everything we collected in Jillian's memory! I need to write a note for each item and bag it all to deliver soon. Just haven't gotten around to doing that yet. We also collected over $175 to be donated in her memory to the perinatal bereavement program. I hope we can continue to bless others in some small way, returning the love, care, and concern that was shown to us.

Our sweet friends Jason and Liz could not be with us on Jillian's birthday to remember her due to being out of town. They had these sweet flowers delivered to us and they are beautiful! Thank you Jason and Liz! Love you!

Happy 1st Birthday Jillian!

Jillian's 1st birthday was March 5 however it has taken me a while to get this post done. I have simply been putting it off. We have made it through the first year without her here with us. Sometime I wonder how but then I stop and think, we made it because of the love and support of our friends and family and also because of our heavenly father who gives us the strength to persevere each and everyday. We wanted to do a balloon release on Jillian's birthday to remember her. We had about 50 of our closest friends and family gather at the cemetary with us that afternoon. Our brother-in-law Daniel led some songs, including How Great is Our God, The Greatest Commands, and Jesus Loves Me. Jack prepared a few words to say, simply thanking everyone for being our support this past year and encouraging everyone to never forget our sweet girl and the impact she made here on this earth. We are forever changed because of her short but monumental life on this earth and we look forward to the day we get to be with her again!

My balloon I released

Jack and Jansen writing on Jansen's balloon

More writing

Daddy helping Jansen write on his balloon and the many friends and family gathered around.

He wrote "I love you Jillian" on one side, the other side he drew a picture all on his own.....

This just about broke this mommy's heart. My sweet boy still hurts and misses his sister so much. This was his way of letting us know he was sad. So glad he expresses his emotions to us instead of keeping it all inside. We have been open with him since we found out Jillian would not live when I was pregnant with her. We still encourage him to talk about her whenever he wants to. I would much rather that be the case than him keep it all bottled up himself.

Just a shot of a few of the people who were there to remember Jillian with us. I have many more pictures that Kristy took for us but it's just too many to put on here.

The balloons as they were released

The 3 of us with our balloons before we released them.

There they go.....I was so glad I picked hot pink. They really stood out against the sky, which was really dark and cloudy. Did I mention it was soooo cold also?!

Me and the best sister ever!

My sweet Jansen holding Jillians balloon. Kristy, who is the bereavement coordinator at the hospital where Jillian was born came to the balloon release to do pictures for us and she brought the balloon and the happy birthday hat sitting on her marker. So thoughtful of her! I picked bright orange flowers instead of pink for her birthday since they were so colorful and "happy"! I love them! We can see them from the highway when we drive by they are so bright!

After we finished with the balloon release several of our friends came back to our house to eat hamburgers and fellowship together with us as we continued to remember our sweet girl. These are the cupcakes my wonderful sister made! They turned out soooo cute!

Are these cupcakes not the cutest? Rita made these and they were cream cheese with chocolate icing and pink swirls. They tasted as yummy as they looked too!

I have the best co workers a girl could ask for. The weekend of Jillian's birthday our company had a retreat and I didn't get to go. All of the OT's sent us this amazing fruit arrangement letting us know they were thinking of us! We didn't want to eat it since it was soooo pretty, but we did! The strawberries were wonderful!

The 2 grandpas-- my dad on the left and Jack's dad on the right

Marilyn and her 2 sweet girls Brittany and Rachel

Me and Emily ( and Brooks who was looking the other way)!

All in all we had a good day. The balloon release was exactly what I envisioned. We just cannot honestly believe it has been a year since Jillian was born and went to her eternal home. As we keep saying, and as Jack mentioned at the balloon release, this is one of the last firsts we will have to endure. This year may be a little different not thinking about the first Thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthday, etc. There will still be those first days of school, etc we will experience. We have come a long way this past year and still have a long way to go. Thanks from the bottom of our hearts to our friends and family for the never ending support you have given us this past year. We serve a God who is good and we pray each and everyone of those dear to our heart will see Jillian again one day in heaven with us!